i love them.

i'm hooooome!

my flight was only delayed two hours, and then it was smooth and boring.  which was fine with me.  flying isn't nearly as much fun as it used to be.

adrianna is wonderfully fun.  my sis calls her the pink tornado and i think i agree.  she calls me "ah wowi" (which is pretty darn close to "auntie lori" for a one and half year old) and tells me where to sit and what to do and where her toys go and what she's eating and the names of everyone in the room.  she really is quite brilliant.  and wee nathan has little but smiles for his auntie.  well, unless he's tired or hungry or wet or poopy or too far away from mommy or mad at his toy.  but otherwise, he's all love and sunshine. 

i'm not entirely sure what day it is and i'm not quite on ontario time yet and i'm not used to baby/toddler life, but i really love being home.  being with family for christmas is a right fine idea.

and only ten more days til james comes!  (ya ya, i know, commence gagging noises.  whatever.) 

i like reading other peoples blogs.  it makes me feel like i keep caught up on their lives even though i live far away.  and i love when they make me think!  it's like have a good conversation. 

like today.  a friend from far away wrote a bit about public spaces and community and whatnot, and it got me thinking.  and since what follows is pretty much a response to her thoughts - or a "blogversation", if you will - feel free to go read it:  www.mymixedgreens.blogspot.com.  otherwise, here's the short version:  how do we foster community when we have to pay for everything?!  there are precious few truly public spaces left.  so spending time has become equivalent with spending money.  and this is lame.

here's my bundle of thoughts, which have been formed simply by moving to a small, slow, small town (did i mention it's small?).  cities are weak on public spaces, it's true.  parks are overcrowded and the swings are always taken up by those pesky kids.  there's lots of cool stuff to do in the city - theaters, museums, cultural shows, concerts, dance classes!  but they all cost money.  free stuff (camping, hiking, biking, etc.) often requires time, gas to get far enough beyond civilization to make it a worthwhile escape, gear you have to buy and then store for the one time a year you'll use it, and a bunch of tiresome preplanning around everyone's busy busy schedules.

after moving to smallville however, i'm starting to think these woes are the plight of city culture and not canadian culture in general.  because canada, perhaps more than any other country, is really quite abundant in public space!  we have more uninhabitated land than we know what to do with.  and living in a small, somewhat isolated town, has brought me more into contact with that reality.  i can start a hike from my front door - it only takes 20 or 30 mins of walking in any direction to be out of town and into the bush.  i can borrow practically anything i need from someone in town - canoes, tents, camp stoves, etc.  i can drive 20 minutes down a logging road, pull over next to a lake, go for a swim, pitch a tent, cut some wood (pine beetle wood is dead and free firewood), start a fire, make my dinner and only have to pay for the hot dogs and the gas to get there!  or i can walk ten minutes through town and jump in the river.  and as for community events, we have two or three parades a year, firework displays for every holiday (seriously, even halloween!), music in the park, free swim nights at the pool, free rental weekends at the video store, craft fairs, farmer's market, not to mention going to watch friends kids play soccer or in the school band.  etc. etc. etc.  i smile at the insurance office ladies when i see them at the grocery store and the grocery store ladies when i see them at the post office and the post office ladies when i see them at the insurance office and at the christmas parade and the ballet recital and the july 1st fireworks and the highschool graduation ceremony.  sometimes i feel claustrophobic at how community oriented this little town can be! 

my conclusion:  where you live plays a surprising role in either fostering or hindering community.  we don't always get to choose where we live (job, school, etc.) but if you do get to choose, and you want more bang for your community oriented buck, choose a small town.  canada has tons of them.  and i quite prefer life here to the anonymous busy bustle of city life (note: i now consider pretty much all of southern ontario to be "city", as well as the entire lower mainland out here.  it has less to do with how many farms or forests you drive past and more to do with the pace and mentality of the people who live there, and how far away you have to get before you escape that pressure).

however, moving isn't for everyone.  and even if you do, you'll still need to make an effort to take your level of community from smiles passed on the street to friendships found and fostered.  so as for making your own community wherever you are, i've had to learn to get over my own high expectations and simply enjoy time together whenever and however it happens.  and since none of us have a ton of extra cash, we get creative.  i don't have cable, but every sunday night the boy and i head to a friend's house to watch the amazing race together (in the nicer weather, we walk there).  why make coffee for just me when i can make it for me and a friend?  i always walk to the post office and i try really hard to remember to smile at everyone i pass (small town expectations are so different than the big city!!)  i go grocery shopping with friends - its something we both need to do so why not do together and chat along the way?  sometimes we just grab our cameras and go for a drive and then compare pictures.  a deck of uno cards can be fun on the run anywhere you find yourself - in the park, at the coffee shop, over a bowl of soup (though that has the potential to be messy!).  a frisbee costs $2, is easy to pack, and provides years of fun.  play soccer.  or road hockey.  or monopoly.  go sledding!!!  even if no one else is!!  they'll see you doing it and think "hey, why don't we ever go sledding anymore?!"  borrow gear you don't have and lend out gear you do.  car pool.  cook together.  your home is the best public space of all.  it doesn't have to be perfect, it just has to be available.  i love preparing a big fancy meal for friends, but what i love more is having friends over for a meal even when all i have to prepare is spaghetti (and trust me, you can cook a lot of spaghetti for a very small price!).  ideally i want it to be fancy and nice and my house to be tidy and spotless (i was raised to believe it's rude to have visitors in a messy house!), i want to plan big events and go to do amazingly fun things that we will all remember forever!!  but i have to remind myself that i value people more than perfection and i'd rather just have people over in my dusty messy house for kraft dinner and tea and a rousing game of scrabble then stress out and go broke and risk never actually getting around to it. 

if community is life together, then the opportunities should be endless.  not always exciting, but abundant.  i disagree that we are being limited by culture and corporations, but i do think we are generally content with convenience and suffering from a severe lack of imagination.  that being said, there are places that make it a lot easier than others to be community minded and make more creative use of public space.  i'm blessed to live in a small town that smothers me with silly things to do, is populated by people who are naturally more laid back and more inclined to enjoy being together rather than doing together, and is surrounded by stunning wilderness just waiting to be explored.  i do miss the city - but i mostly miss the people.  well, that and being able to go to a movie or buy clothes or get reasonably fresh produce without driving for an hour! 

i've enjoyed this little blogversation cassan!  hope you do too!  keep writing and making me think! 

the sky was weird today.  it was yellow all afternoon.  we never see a sunset in smallville (since all the lovely mountains get in the way) but tonight when the sun went down somewhere over the ocean (oh forgive me, this afternoon when the sun went down.  jerk.), the sky was all lit up in pink and red and orange.  i loved it.  it was a most welcome distraction to have all these beautiful colours come pouring through my blinds.

i needed the distraction because i was busy writing a letter asking people for money.  UGH.  i HATE asking people for money.  i hate feeling dependant, vulnerable, rude, irresponsible, and unworthy - which are just some of the words i illogically relate to the task of asking people for money.  logically, i like the interdependence of community, the blessings of giving and receiving, the bla bla bla, ya i can't even write my way into a more positive perspective right now.  i don't like doing it.  somedays i really just want a normal job.  (too bad "barista with theological training" isn't in high demand.  cuz i gots skillz.)

the boy bought his plane ticket today!  he's coming to ontario for reals!!  there is something about spending cash that makes everything suddenly concrete and inescapable.  he is going to meet my dad.  my beloved computer-geek-bad-at-small-talk-crazy-cat-man dad.  and he's going to re-meet my mom, this time in all her festive holiday stress and splendor.  and he's going to meet my sister and see me be all goofy and silly with her.  and what if he suddenly realizes all the reasons why i am the way i am and that i'm a lot more likely to grow into those traits than out of them?!  but he's also going to meet my niece and nephew, which honestly can't go any way but great since they're so cute and perfect and wonderful.  so that's good.  :)  AND he's going to meet my oldbux crew and my college buddies and my church.  and they're all going to think "oh tups brought a boy home!  this is serious!!!"  and i agree, this is serious... and on the days when i remember i'm not obligated to stress out about everything in life i think it's going to be a blast, even with all it's subtle implications.  yay christmas.

in exchange, i get to do american thanksgiving this year.  and i am stressed about it.  because i get to meet almost as many people but without the natural extroversion that the boy possesses.  so i think i'll just keep stuffing turkey and pie and stuffing into my mouth so as to render myself incapable of inane small talk.  excellent plan, no? 

turkey holiday three months in a row is also a good plan.  a very good plan.

well i'm a rotten blogger.

this year has just been too busy to write about.  and it's passing too quickly.  i still feel like summer should be coming up rather than two months past.  i think i'm mentally stuck in may.  which is a lovely month to be stuck in, but i rather wish the sun agreed with me.

i'm going home in 40 days.  i can't wait.  adrianna is sooooo different since i saw her last year and i'm so excited to get to know her and play with her and be an auntie for a couple weeks.  and goodness, i haven't even met little nathan!  seriously, can't wait.

plus, christmas!  hooray!!  ontario for christmas!!!!  double hooray!  not to mention bringing a boy home to meet the family.  that's mostly a hooray and only a bit of "holy crap, what the heck, this is serious".  i'm hoping for snow (enough to sparkle and admire and throw around, but not so much that we can't drive) and fondue and a dream team remix and a pathway party and turkey and cookies and peppermint mochas and ice skating and touristing and visiting galore.  and a really cheap rental car.  yay christmas vacation!

but until then... snow camp is coming up.  i love snow camp.  what i don't love is all the preparations and chasing down kids to see if they're coming and stressing about the drive and all that rot...  but it's pretty great when we get there and goof off and play in the snow all weekend.  plus, this year has an 80's theme.  i bought purple leggings and black leg warmers and a huge sweater and a barrett made out of mulit-coloured florescent shoelaces.  rock on.

i made a pumpkin pie for the first time on monday and it auctioned for $17 at our fundraiser.  holy crap i hope that thing tastes ok.  it's got sweetened condensed milk in it though, so really, it's gotta be good.  that stuff is magic.

i worked another shift at that job.  i was really kind of hoping for more than one four hour shift a month, but whatev.  this time i got to wait at the center while the other workers went to pick up the kids.  so i cut up some oranges and spent half an hour enjoying getting paid to sit in silence.  then we took the little buggers swimming and i enjoyed that even more.  until one of them threw a royal fit on the way out...  i used every one of my best dr. phil ideas to calm that kid down and nuthin doin.  he's pretty pro at spite for being so young. 

and lastly, i'm getting a little tired of all my friends moving away from smallville.  the next time someone moans about how missionaries just come to leave, i'm going to casually mention the fact that i've only lived in smallville for three years, made about four friends, and then watched all of them move away.  clearly smallville is just not a place people like to stay, missionary or otherwise.  it's lame.  makes me want to quit making friends.  but once i get over that jr. high themed bout of self pity, i'll probably be ok. 

the end.